Newsletter: Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Dear Families,

This past week we launched an inquiry into the idea of normalcy. I asked the kids what they thought the word normal meant. After throwing around a few ideas they were grouped into threes and asked to create a mural depicting their idea of a normal second grader. After a few days of tracing, drawing, coloring, and writing they shared these out with the class. Asked to explain how they defined normal clothes, hobbies, and such, each group responded in a way that demonstrated they define normal as a reflection of themselves. They termed anything outside these parameters as "weird."

Next I showed them a series of photographs and asked them to sit and think silently, share out with a partner, and then share out with the group. Each of the photographs I selected were chosen specifically to challenge the notion that there is such thing as "normal." During our discussion one of the girls in class helped us by changing our terminology from normal to common. We talked about how the word normal (and it's opposite, weird) are words that pass judgement while the word common speaks only to how often we might see it.

The first picture was of a young boy playing with a doll. When the photo first came up there was some snickering in the room. "That is very, very, very, very weird!" someone said. "That's a girl toy." A few of our boys, however, told stories of having played with dolls while with a cousin or a sister. I asked if it made a difference whether they were playing this with a girl or by themselves. Many said no while a few others weren't so sure. The best topics, and questions, are those that can't be easily answered by everyone. It's fun to explore a little in the gray areas. Someone said "Maybe his mom is having a baby and he's practicing to be a big brother." "Yeah," someone else said, "this isn't weird because I know boys who play with toy babies."

The second photo was of a girl with brightly dyed hair. This one was mostly well received. "It's her own opinion. Her own style," someone offered. "Yeah, " someone agreed. "Maybe she just likes the color red and wants to do it for fun." Some people said it would be more of a problem if it were rainbow colored - having multiple colors. Others said having it over just one eye was sort of weird. Someone else pointed out this wasn't a natural hair color and it isn't all that common to see. I shared that my oldest daughter dyed part of her hair red a few weekends ago using Kool-Aid mix and oil. Some of our classmates said they have done the same thing because it's fun to play around with hair color. These positive responses were somewhat surprising to me because when asked to illustrate what they thought a second grader who did not fit their idea of "normal" would look like nearly every single one of them illustrated brightly colored hair.

The third photo was of a female mechanic. This was a hard photo to find. When you search for this sort of thing the photos that pop up aren't at all what you might be looking for. Rather, they are the sorts of photos you might see on the cover of a Hot Rod magazine at the bookstore. Having found something far more appropriate, the kids didn't see much shocking in this. Most of us couldn't think of a time when we had ever seen a woman working on cars at a garage. We wondered aloud why they always work at the computers. Don't any women enjoy working on cars? Hearing this, someone offered that their grandmother works on cars in a repair garage. How about that?! Pretty cool. Still, we'll talk more about why some jobs might be more male dominated while others are female dominated. Did you know that prior to our last election all 48 South Carolina State Senators were men? Now there are only 47 men. We elected one woman to the post. There was a news share earlier this year about women getting paid less money, on average, than men for doing the same job with the same amount of education. A few days ago there was a report that the youngest generation of women is really beginning to bridge this gap.

The fourth photo we looked at was a man who stays at home to care for his children, clean the house, and cook meals while his wife works outside the home. Most everyone thought this was great but agreed this is not common. However, many of the kids did have a story about times when their moms went away for a few hours, or even days, and their dads took care of them. Toward the end of the discussion someone called out "Maybe the dad couldn't find a job he wanted." My hope would be this is exactly the job he wanted! I told the kids that after my first four years of teaching I chose to stay home and raise my kids. I spent five years as a Mr. Mom to my two daughters and youngest son.

Another photo showed two grown men walking together as they held hands. I asked the kids what they felt about this. "That's no big deal, " someone said. "We do that at recess." "Yeah," someone else agreed. "The boys in our class hold hands all the time." I asked if it mattered that these were men, not boys. They weren't so sure about this. "Well, maybe they're friends and showing that they get along." "Or maybe the man is blind and can't walk. The other man might be helping him." I explained these were two world leaders and that both could see. Of course, hand holding is very common practice in some cultures. It is nothing to see men walking hand in hand in places like Sudan. However, in the United States we create a whole different meaning from this act of friendship. This sort of gray area will help us explore how ideas of what is "normal" and what isn't come to be created in the first place. Again, there's no easy answer for that question either.

We looked at a few other photographs as well. One showed a boy dressed in a princess dress for Halloween. I actually found that one in a news article asking if it was okay for boys to dress as girl characters for Halloween. Most everyone in class could remember a time a girl had dressed up as a boy character. However, we couldn't think of more than one or two stories where the tables were turned. Other photos dealt with the traditional dress of people from non-American cultures. Because our kids are familiar with a number of world cultures through their homes or the homes of their friends, these were easy discussions. "So what?" they asked. "That's how they dress there!"

Today we read a book titled William's Doll. It's about a boy who really wants a doll to hold and hug and take care of. However, his brother and neighbor tease him about this. His father instead buys him a basketball hoop and a train set. William loves both but that does not change the fact he still wants a doll. Finally, his grandmother arrives to visit and winds up buying him just the doll he wanted. After his father becomes upset and says "No. He's a boy!" she explains

"He needs it
to hug and to cradle
and to take to the park
so that
when he's a father
like you
he'll know how to
take care of his baby
and feed him
and love him
and bring him
the things he wants,
like a doll
so that he can
practice being
a father."

How powerful. From our work the kids have been creating big ideas. So far they they have come up with...

1. People shouldn't judge others for what they like.
2. There aren't "girl" toys and "boy" toys. Just toys.
3. Treat others as you would want them to treat you.
4. We should stand up for ourselves and for others.

We also talked a bit about how kids are sometimes teased at school for what others have deemed being different. Many of the kids remembered specific incidents of this. While most agreed they weren't part of the problem no one could remember being a part of the solution either. That'll be something we explore together, for sure.

This is a great start. We'll continue to look at ways people are mistreated for being "different." This will eventually lead us to studies of other cultures and countries as we work to avoid the temptation to compare their ways of being against our own. Be sure to ask about our conversations at home!

Take care,
Chris